Dec 11, 2010

Les gens sont fous

exp. – people are crazy

When we first got our puppy, I was telling a fellow dog lover friend how many nice people I’ve met while walking him. She agreed, but added that many of them are a little crazy. I see what she means now since I’ve become a little crazy myself.

I tend to rationalize things for the dog, which is ridiculous, since he doesn’t. I’ve watched endless hours of the DOG WHISPERER and have been working so hard on my “calm, assertive” behaviour. I keep repeating the mantra “I am the pack leader, I am the pack leader” over and over again. The crazy part is that I’ll do it outside and out loud when I’m walking him.

Felix is going through his adolescent stage right now, which is just as bad as it sounds. The various developmental stages of dogs are sped up exponentially given that their time on earth is much shorter than ours. Imagine going from baby to teenager in just six months – it can’t be easy. At first I thought the lifting of his leg was so cute – now I’m trying desperately to stop him from doing it EVERY few feet! The biggest mistake is to ask other dog owners for advice because everyone will tell you something different.

The trainer tells me I shouldn’t let him do that – there’s no reason he can’t let it all out so to speak, at once, making a much more fluid, no pun intended, and agreeable walk, for me at least. A woman just this morning, however, insisted that it’s part of their nature and that it’s perfectly normal. She also admits she lets her dog walk her rather than the other way around and when she wants to run an errand she has to ask him to take her to the butcher, or the dry cleaner, or wherever it may be.

She’s not the only one who apparently lets the dog decide. I met one of my neighbours who had a lovely, big, albeit not very sociable, dog. She invited Felix and me over for coffee, the owner that is, but when I arrived I had to wait in the hall until the dog finished her breakfast because she likes to eat alone. She then proceeded to dig under the table, the dog that is, at which point I looked at Felix and channelled the thought – don’t get any ideas.

One topic that I’ve still yet to resolve is whether or not to neuter the pup. In the US it’s practically mandatory and I always thought it the sensible thing to do – unless you want to breed or show your dog, I understand. Here, it seems only to be a necessary option for female dogs, which I find a bit sexist. In English, we use the words personality and character interchangeably, although a character is used for someone with an out of the ordinary personality. Here the word for personality is "caractère” and “personnage” is actually the word they use for a character. If someone is a real character and not in a good way, they’ll use “special.” Anyway, the French think that castrating male dogs will ruin their personality or take away their character. Don’t female dogs have personalities, too?

The woman who has walked Felix and dog sat him the last time we were away thinks he absolutely should be castrated. Why let him look at all the pretty girl dogs and be able to do nothing about it. I tend to agree with her. I thought I was endearing myself to Felix by sending him off to walk with her since she takes a pile of dogs in her little van to the woods for hours at a time. But the DOG WHISPERER made a very good point in one of his episodes that the dog doesn’t know you’ve paid the dog walker and the last time Felix came home, he went into total crisis mode when she left.

Anyone who has a dog and certainly anyone who doesn’t will tell you that they’re a lot of work – all day, every day, for the rest of their lives. Just like people they have phases where they’re more difficult and just like people, a relationship with a dog is a commitment. Unlike people though, the dog will rarely let you take him for granted. We will get through this difficult phase because I will remain calm, assertive and above all, the pack leader, crazy or not.

Embêter, emmerder, se fâcher

v. – to bug

Not surprisingly here there are many verbs that mean to bother or exasperate. The culture of the French can lean towards the dramatic. Discussing, as I’ve mentioned before, along with debating and even complaining, is part of their way of life.

Recently we had a snowstorm or “tempête de neige” in Paris. By East Coast standards, it wasn’t monumental and the perky weather lady on the news made it clear it was coming, but for some reason, it took Paris by surprise. The city became instantly paralyzed and not surprisingly since to my view, there were no provisions to be seen.

People were slipping and sliding, cars came grinding to a halt and the buses ceased running leaving the metros jammed with panicked commuters trying desperately to get home.

As a former New Yorker, I felt like crying out “People, it’s just a little snow – relax and bring on the salt, “sel” or at least some sand, “sable!” Instead everyone was making excuses – “C’est exceptionnel!” it’s exceptional, everyone kept saying. I’m going on my third winter here and every year we’ve had snow – it was in the weather forecast – what was exceptional about it!

The “éboueurs” or trash collectors went into hiding leaving frozen garbage piling up on the streets. At the risk of sounding dramatic because I am after all becoming more and more French, I felt like I was in a war zone and it all bugged me very, very much!

This is the time of year when the trash collectors, like the “pompiers” or fireman, come door to door to sell you their “calendriers” or calendars. I know this because I was already visited by the latter, catching me off guard by ringing the bell at 8 o’clock at night. Since I wasn’t expecting anyone and am used to my protective doorman bubble back home, I was concerned when he identified himself as a fireman thinking there must be something wrong. Instead, he explained he just wanted to sell me a calendar and while I have the utmost respect for firemen and would be happy to contribute, I was a little bugged that he chose the dinner hour to stop by. On top of it, the price is discretionary, just leading to further confusion with the dinner bubbling over and the dog barking at my heels.

The end of the year does bring out stress in people. The shortened days lead to shortened fuses, the lack of sunlight leads to lack of humour. Winter has started early and unforgivingly this year, but without winter there can be no spring and there’s not a prettier city than Paris when the sun is shining and the flowers are blooming. So until then I will be marking the days off on my calendar and looking forward to that.

Dec 10, 2010

Demander

v. – to ask
Exiger
v. – to demand
Insister
v. – to insist

Sometimes French words are exactly the same as English ones and sometimes not at all. I wondered why “demander” doesn’t mean to demand. It seems more logical to me to have another word for to ask rather than coming up with another word for demand.

It’s similar with the verb “marcher,” which doesn’t mean march, but rather walk. There are other words for walk such as “se ballader” and “se promener,” but the word for march is actually “défiler.” This is the same verb they use for cat walk, which makes sense since the models do sort of march to a certain degree. It has nothing to do with the English verb to defile unless you really take offense at some of the latest fashions.

“Se défiler” means to back out as in, at the last minute. There are many other verbs like this, “se manquer,” to miss, “s’appeller,” to call or to name, “se doucher” or “se laver,” to bathe or to wash, “se coucher,” to sleep, etc. All of these things we do to ourselves literally when translated. So even if you miss someone you would say “tu me manques” or you are missed by me. That one is always a little complicated for me even though the rest make sense. “Je me couche,” I put myself to sleep or “je me lave,” I wash myself are logical unless you’re a baby and can’t really do either without help.

The root for the verbs for washing and bathing can be found in the nouns that describe the things we wash and bathe in. For example, “douche” is the word for shower, “lavabo,” the word for sink, “bain,” the word for tub from “se beiner” or to swim. “Robinet” is another word for sink – and makes the distinction between kitchen sink vs. bathroom sink. Hence, “l’eau du robinet” means tap water.

The word “eau” for water rhymes with the word “peau” for skin. The former isn’t that great for the latter here because of the high calcium content or “calcaire.” There are many products aimed at “canilization” or unclogging and freshening drains. The calcium deposits aren’t the only problem. Hair clogs drains as well, but sometimes I wonder if it’s the calcium deposited water that actually causes your hair to fall out. There are also a variety of products targeted at “chute de cheveux” or hair loss, which I suppose is a universal concern.

I’ve always thought it a pity that so many people have too much hair where they don’t want it and not enough where they do. Since humans have worn clothes for centuries now, you would think there would have been a modification at the evolutionary level to redistribute more to the tops of our heads, especially men’s.

I constantly toy with the idea of cutting bangs. Here they are called “franges” or fringe I suppose like the British call them. “Meche” is what the layered side bang is called. It’s also the word for highlighting so you have to be sure you’re clear on what you mean in order to avoid confusion at the salon.

There’s a certain hairstyle that’s very popular here now with boys. It’s a mesh pulled way over to one’s side…sort of like the teen version of the comb over. It looks like it takes a great deal of effort to keep the hair that clearly belongs on one side, all the way over on the other one. It’s the same sort of effort I imagine that it takes to keep their jeans tightly wrapped around the tops of their thighs. But we’ve all been there. I remember spending hours blow-drying my feathered wings, which ended up looking more like little flaccid horns on either side of my head and of course I had many a bell bottom fashion disaster moment as well.

It’s funny how as we age, or at least in my case, I spend a lot less time on my hair and make-up. The French women also have a less is more approach to their looks. I like it – it’s clean and elegant. There is also a healthier approach to getting older here. I don’t see the same lips pulled over forehead looks that I do in the US and that’s refreshing. Sensible eating vs. starvation and diet pills also seem to be the norm. Exercise is practised, but nothing that will emit heavy sweating. Perhaps this has something to do with people not wanting to seek reasons for multiple showers during the day given the harsh water. Instead, a nice healthy “promenade” or walk, will do just fine.