Connecting – or not

A few months back, a former client reached out via email to share the good news that she had landed a consulting job at a major company and that we should get together to celebrate.  I naively wrote back right away to congratulate her and agree that a celebration was in order offering some options for lunch or dinner in the coming weeks.  That was met with total radio – or more appropriately – email silence. 

Several weeks passed and another email popped up from her apologizing for not checking that email account more often (despite the face it was the one she wrote to me from in the first place) and asking again about availability to get together.  Again, I foolishly responded and was again left hanging in cyberspace. 

A couple months later, yet another apologetic email arrived with even more cause for celebration since her position had now become permanent.  The phrase “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice shame on me” immediately came to mind.  I didn’t want to get sucked into another black hole of email correspondence, but another friend suggested implementing the “three strikes you’re out” method so I once more responded with available dates.

That was a week ago and here I sit pondering what has become of our ever-connective world actually creating less and less connectivity.  Another former colleague reached out to a Facebook post of mine saying he too wanted to “re-connect.”  I decided rather than involve all our FB friends in our business, I would reach out off-post by sending an email message separately and directly to him.  And so another message got sucked into the cyber black hole.  The same friend suggested that maybe he didn’t read his FB messages and I should try responding to the post, which I reluctantly did and lo and behold, he wrote back there with his contact information for all the world, or at least my FB world, to see. 

Sometimes, connecting even to a colleague or friend starts to feel like dating.  Should I email back right away or should I wait?  Should I email or call?  Should I call the office number or the cell?  I opted the next day to call him and he asked if he could call me back.  Then he texted to apologize for being so busy and would get back to me soon.  It’s interesting how now I felt guilty for intruding when he was the one who originally reached out.  In any event, that was a couple of weeks ago now already and I think the chances of hearing back are slim to none.

During this time, I’ve also been playing email phone tag (this is when an email turns into a “let’s discuss by phone” situation and then the struggles of coordinating that ensue.)  I’ve shared my phone number and suggested multiple times over multiple days when I could be available.  Perhaps it’s a power play by the other person who wants to be the one in charge of deciding and I’m ok with that, but just make a date and stick to it.  Here I sit this time waiting for a phone call that may or may not ever come, but certainly has not come when it was agreed upon. 

Once again, it feels like dating as I sit checking my phone to make sure the ringer is on and the volume is turned up.  Did I miss the call while I was washing my hands?  Wait was that my ring tone I heard or real crickets?  Maybe I should try a louder more obnoxious ring tone as if that would actually make the call come through. 

The irony is that in all three cases, I was not the one initiating the contact.  But each case shares the same condition in common and that is the distracted life that has become the norm.  Like an ancient relic, I sit here on the precipice of extinction with my expectations from others to behave as I behave myself, with conscientiousness and follow through, with manners and respect.  So perhaps it’s only after being fooled three or more times that we finally won’t get fooled again – wait is that my phone ringing?