Jan 26, 2010

Masculin vs. feminin

adj. – masculine vs. feminine
The arbitrary association of masculine and feminine articles to objects makes French, among other languages, additionally confusing.

FBI, for example, is masculine where CIA is feminine. The reason is most likely because the FBI is a bureau, which is masculine and the CIA is an agency, which is feminine. But even the explanation is random.

Adding to the confusion, the French pronounce FBI the way we do where CIA is pronounced the French way. “I” in French sounds like “E” so FBI sounds just like we say it, but CIA becomes “SAY” “E” “AH.”

Other letters that are confusing are G and J since the former in French is pronounced as we would the latter and vice versa. Both have a soft pronunciation though vs. a hard one like we use.

Words are sometimes inverted in translation. For example, the United States becomes les Etas Unis and the UN becomes Nations Unis. In addition to having to simply memorize many of the rules of the words of the language, what takes me time to compute are the dates and time.

Where we put the month first, the French put the date first. Whenever each of the first two numbers are less than 12, I tend to get confused. 03/05/10 will still look like it should be March 5th and not May 3rd.

I am however getting better with the 24 hour time method. The way I keep it straight now is to subtract 2 from the last number of anything larger than 12. So I know 13h is 1pm, 14h, 2pm and so on. Otherwise, I look at the last number and think 13h should be 3pm, 14h should be 4pm, etc.

I like am and pm, but here there is no use for them if you talk in 24 hour cycles. It does make me feel like I’m in the military though. “Getting my hair cut at 16 hundred hours sir, yes sir!”

Pounds vs. kilos, miles vs. kilometers, feet vs. meters – these are all the weights and measurements one has to convert along with fahrenheit vs. celsius. Doubling the pounds approximates weight in kilos and when people talk in square meters, multiplying the number by 10 approximates it into feet. I get a bit more lost with kilometers and miles and forget about fahrenheit and celsius since there’s a much more complicated formula to that conversion that I still haven’t mastered.

Sizing here can be a bit tricky. The French on average aren’t built as large as the Americans. So a small in the US can be more the equivalent of a medium or even large in France in some cases. Sizing has always baffled me anyway as I think some manufacturers make a point to flatter you into thinking you’re smaller than you are where others do the exact opposite and make you feel like you don’t belong in their clothes in the first place. I never understood a size 0 – what if that’s too small, does it go into negatives from there?

I’ve stopped converting euros into dollars since it changes almost daily and given the recent weak dollar, it only depresses me. The only upside to our weak currency is that it’s lighter in weight as well. Here I’m traumatized if someone can’t give me a five euro bill back as change for a 10 instead giving me a handful of one and two euro coins. Five euros is the smallest denomination in paper. The coins are heavy and confusing since the two euro coins look similar if not slightly bigger than the one euro ones. In addition to centimes or pennies, there are also two centime coins on top of 10, 20 and 50 centime coins. So if you hate change, you’re in trouble here.

If you’re a little old school, you’ll still talk in francs and the value in francs is still listed on many receipts. If you’re really old school, you’ll talk in ancient francs at which point, you might as well be talking in Greek.

I did think I was onto something for a while because I realized that the articles for euros, centimes and even dollars were all masculine. Then I found out that a British pound, une livre, is feminine. So it’s back to the masculine/feminine drawing board. At least I should be thankful that in French unlike in German and Russian, there’s no third article that’s neuter. When it comes to gendered articles, two is already a crowd.

Jan 24, 2010

Soin du visage

n. – facial
Vernissage
n. – private viewing (as in an art opening)
Exposition
n. – exhibition
Not long ago, I was invited to have a facial and an art opening in the same day and I couldn’t help but notice that the words for each, soin du visage and vernissage, sounded familiar.

I am guilty of indulging in a rather expensive face cream and as a client, I was invited to come in and have a facial for the cost of the product. So in other words, I could stock up and get a facial for free. It sounded like a great deal, but it’s never that easy is it.

I arrived and was greeted by a charming woman (with beautiful skin, I might add). She instructed me to lie down and relax, which I did underneath a warm blanket on an equally warm table. I was then cleansed, exfoliated, massaged and slathered in heavenly scented, luxuriously hydrating creams on top of creams. All the while, the woman was telling me how dry my skin was and how many more products in the line I should be using. I mean, didn’t I know that it wasn’t enough to simply cleanse without toning? The hard Paris water filled with “calcaire” or calcium leaves residue on my skin dulling it and destroying its elasticity. I MUST use the toner to remove all traces of the water. Of course I must.

And the eyes, I MUST use the eye cream in addition to the face cream since it’s a more concentrated formula of the miraculous ingredient. And not the less expensive eye cream that they make. That’s good, but not as good as the more expensive one, of course. I MUST exfoliate at least once a week and for good measure, why not use the body cream and hand cream so that I’m assured maximum miraculousness from head to toe. On top of all that, she swore by the lip balm that she applies religiously every night before going to bed.

Last, but not least I absolutely MUST use the miracle of all miracle products, which is the super duper concentration of the original cream itself – not in lieu of, of course, but in addition to.

I started to do the math in my head and I was looking at almost a month’s worth of rent. I tried to shake myself out of my creamy, dreamy state of bliss and return to my senses. I would buy something, but not EVERYTHING, which I did and of course spent more than the minimum required. I justified it by telling myself I had only bought what I really felt necessary – the toner and the exfoliator, which were missing from my regime. I left feeling pretty good about myself. I think I was down right glowing by the time I got to the vernissage. It was in the home of a friend of mine whose roommate was the artist and it was a perfect setting for the work.

Looking at a collection of art can be a bit awkward especially when the artist is there. How long should you stand in front of each piece, what should you say, should you feel obligated to buy something? These were all the thoughts that raced through my over-active mind. On top of all this, I felt so dewy and shiny, I thought the other guests could even admire the reflection of the paintings on my face.

At one point I was actually starting to feel a little greasy so I felt the need to explain that I had just come from a facial. I don’t think anyone there cared. So I then made an awkward attempt to talk about a controversial soccer match that had been played the night before. I’ve found soccer to be a unifying topic of conversation in most cases. It’s of interest to people of almost all walks of life and because my husband is a fan, I’m fairly current with the game.

Artsy intellectual types, however, are probably the one category not interested in soccer. So with my repartee slowly fading and my face feeling like it might just melt, I made my way home after smearing my cheeks across that of my friend as I kissed her goodbye.

Just last week I received another invitation for a facial, but I wasn’t going to fall for it this time. Facial me once, shame on you, facial me twice…

Jan 23, 2010

Voisin

n. neighbor
Sonore
adj. – noisy
Hurler
v. – to yell
Like many apartment dwellers we have been subjected to noise from the neighbors overhead from time to time throughout the years. For this reason, we finally insisted on an apartment on the top floor. Well that’s if you don’t count the “chambres de bonnes” or maid’s quarters overhead and don’t even get me started again on those! Imagine my surprise in realizing not so long after moving in that not only had we now become the noisy neighbors overhead, but we were also subjected to an extremely noisy neighbor below!

Almost all the old buildings in Paris have parquet floors, which while they may be pretty to look at, are the noisiest things you can possibly imagine to walk on. Ours are the original from the 30’s when the building was built. What is under them separating us from the person below I imagine is only the plaster of her ceiling. Even with rugs and in bare feet, you can hear the weight of every footstep and if you’re lucky a good creak and groan in certain spots.

The noise from below is “infernal” as the French like to say. Our neighbor not only keeps her shoes on as she stomps around, but she like to speak loudly and entertain loud guests. For some reason, even though she is loud, because I’m above her it bothers me less. I suppose I feel I still have the power to make her life miserable should I really choose to and knowing I have that power is enough for me. I don’t like hearing my own footsteps let alone hers. The first thing we do when we get home is to take our shoes off and pad around in socks or slippers. So she really has it pretty good or so I thought.

The other night while home alone and my husband away on business, the doorbell rang at 9:30. This isn’t terribly late, but still I wasn’t expecting anyone and could only imagine it must be someone in the building. I looked through the peephole and asked who it was without opening the door. It was her.

Before I could even get a word out she proceeded to yell at me about being woken up the last two nights at three o’clock and five o’clock in the morning and that it was unacceptable and she had a new job where she had to be up by eight and on and on and on. This after having had a party the night before that went on until almost midnight after which as I got into bed, she pounded on the ceiling. It scared me a little, but all I could think was that she was saying, “Now my party is over and I’m going to sleep so you better not make any noise!” Did I mention that I think she’s a little crazy?

Anyway, I was so taken aback all I could think of was bringing up her party and the fact that she was the one making all the noise to which she responded that it had ended at 11:30, but I still woke her up in the middle of the night. I wasn’t going to take the fall for the three am noise – it wasn’t me. I had gotten up around five to use the bathroom and frankly, I wasn’t going to apologize for that either. It’s not as if I do cartwheels across the living room floor to get there. Does she expect me to use a bedpan or just reduce my intake of fluids as early as possible? Seriously, I was furious. But because I was so flustered, all I could think of saying was “Ecoutez!,” “Listen,!” to which she would yell back “Je vous ecoute!,” “I’m listening to you!” And then I would get stuck. It’s enough to compose yourself in another language when someone is yelling at you and then on top of it having to remember to use the formal tense. It was all too much. She finally left after threatening to come up and ring my bell at eight the next morning if she heard any more noise from me. Thankfully I didn’t need to get up until after I heard her leave. But I am reconsidering having anyone living “au dessus,” above, “au dessous,” below or even “à coté,” beside me. Too bad they don’t have any yurts in Paris.

Jan 19, 2010

Anglicisme vs. Franglais

I swore I would never be one of those native English speakers who, when away from her country for too long, would forget how to speak her own language. Yet, just over a year after moving to Paris, that very thing has happened to me!

Anglicisme refers to translating something in English literally into French. An example would be taking the expression “putting my ducks in a row” and saying “mettre mes canards en ligne.” It doesn’t make any sense since the expression simply doesn’t exist here. I often literally translate things because it’s what seems logical, but that doesn’t always make it correct.

Franglais is when people mix their English and French together or say a word in English as if it were French. It can often sound pretentious. I try not to do this at all costs, but what I do find happening to me is that I am getting so used to using a French word for something that I forget how to refer to it in English. I’ve noticed this happens the most frequently when the French word actually sounds like an English word. An example is the word “commerce” meaning just that. But in English, you wouldn’t say, “I love the neighborhood because the commerce is great.” You would say, it has great stores or amenities. The worst one I get blocked by is “bio,” which here means organic. I literally have to stop and think every time when trying to come up with the English word including just now as I write this!

I think I have already discussed the differences in expressions between the languages. For example, the straw that broke the camel’s back here becomes the drop of water that knocks over the glass. I admit it took me a long time to understand how a straw could break a camel’s back until I realized there were already thousands of straws on his back to begin with. The drop of water though is much clearer to me.

Here, “avoir le casserole” or to have the casserole is what we refer to as having baggage or even skeletons in the closet. Leave it to the French to use a food or beverage reference wherever possible.

Some words sound similar to their English counterparts. “Calandrier” means calendar. “Agenda” is the same word. Diary however is “intime” and “journal” is newspaper where paper is “papier.” Of course there are plenty of French expressions we use in English like “RSVP,” “rendez vous” or “hors d’oeuvres.” Similarly the French will use weekend or chewing gum, unless you’re French Canadian and then it’s always “fin de semaine” or “pate a mache.”

Sometimes the French translation of something will seem lengthier than it should be. An example is the MacDonald’s slogan, “I’m lovin’ it,” which becomes “C’est tout ce que j’aime,” which is more like “It’s all that I love.” I would have simply translated it into “Je l’aime.” There are other translations that make perfect sense like “mange tout” for pea pod because it means “eat everything,” which is exactly what you do with a pea pod. I wonder if they use the same word for soft shell crab.

“Une litote” is a very common way of speaking in French. It refers to using the negative when describing something. For example, if you think something is pretty, you could say “ca n’est pas laide,” or it’s not ugly. If you think something is a good idea, “ca n’est pas bete,” or that’s not a bad idea or literally that’s not stupid. I suppose it comes from a humility that the French pride themselves on. I once wondered why after complimenting someone they didn’t say thank you and they explained that to say thanks is to acknowledge the compliment, which comes across as being arrogant as if they are agreeing with it. Ca n’est pas bete, but perhaps a little extreme and one thing I haven’t forgotten to say in English is thank you. So thank you to all who are still reading my blog and to anyone new who has taken a peek. Knowing you’re there is what makes me try my best to inform and entertain. More to come as always…

Jan 17, 2010

S’exprimer

v. – to express oneself
The French have their ways of expressing delight, surprise, relief and even pain just as we do. And the sounds that come with these expressions are close to ours although ever so slightly different.

Where we say Yippee, they say Youpi. Where we say Wow, they say Waouh. Where we say Phew, they say Ouf, which is also a verlan expression for Crazy which if Fou. Where we say Ouch, they say Aille although I’m not sure if that’s the correct spelling and it’s not to be confused with Ail, which is garlic or Aile, which is wing.

Animal sounds are also slightly different. Cows Meuh and not Moo. Sheep Beh and not Bah. Pigs Groin Groin vs. Oink Oink. Cats Miaou, which is close to Meow, but they also Ron Ron, which is the equivalent of purring. Dogs Ouah Ouah vs. Bow Wow or Woof. Donkeys Hi Han, which pronounced in French is very similar to Hee Haw. Frogs Coa, which is completely different from Ribbit. Ducks Coin Coin vs. Quack Quack. Roosters Cocorico vs. Cock a doodle do where hens Cot Cot Codette vs. Cluck Cluck. Owls Hou Hou, which is pretty close to Hoot. Birds in general Cui Cui vs. Chirp or Tweet Tweet and of course Tweeting has now taken on a whole new meaning!

So you say tomayto, I say tomahto and the French say tomate. Voila!

Avoir

v. – to have or n. – credit
The French are not at all as accepting of returning merchandise as the Americans are. If you’re lucky, you can get credit for a return, but very rarely will you get reimbursed. We learned this the hard way in the beginning while purchasing many electrical accessories like light bulbs and adapters. When seeing we had the wrong voltage or wrong apparatus and wanting to return them to the hardware store, we were given an Avoir or credit in case there was any difference remaining in our favor.

The other day at the florist, while looking for some replacements for my poor frozen geraniums, I hesitated between two different Christmas tree-like plants. I bought the smaller, albeit more expensive ones, but wasn’t sure if they would be too small so I asked the florist if I would be able to run right back and change them for the larger, less expensive ones. It seemed to be no problem so I paid and went home. They were in fact too small and so I headed right back downstairs. The florist is on the same block so it was a matter of minutes. I exchanged the two small plants for the larger ones, but still had a credit due to me of 12 euros so he wrote me an Avoir. I was wondering why he couldn’t just give me the cash back, but that seemed to be complicated and made further so by the fact that I had paid with my Carte Bleue. I just want to clarify that a Carte Bleue is basically like an ATM card so in essence it’s like I paid cash. Anyway, I had already learned my lesson so I just took the credit without any further questioning.

It’s a smart system because it protects the merchants. Once they’ve made the sale, they’re guaranteed that revenue even if they allow you to swap the item for something else. Credit cards, on the other hand, are not easy to come by at all. In fact, I don’t think they exist as they do in the US, which is also probably a very good thing. What you can have is a credit card that is automatically debited from your bank account at the end of the month. So you have until then to make sure the funds are in place, but make no mistake you will be debited. As such most French live within and not beyond their means and that is a practice that’s priceless.

Jan 7, 2010

Meilleurs voeux

exp. – best wishes
It’s now the new year and for at least the first week or even longer people are still wishing you a happy one. Here they say more than just that, “Bonne Anneé, bon santé, meilleurs voeux” meaning happy new year, good health, best wishes, etc. The greeting can go on for quite some time and because it’s a mouthful sometimes I just reply with a “Vous aussi!” or “You, too!”

I admit I cheat a little from time to time with my French. It’s good, but not perfect and there are times when I don’t really understand exactly what people are saying to me even if get the overall sense of it. I’ve perfected the act of nodding of my head in earnest and matching their expressions so if they’re smiling or laughing, I know they’ve said something funny or ironic and I smile along with them.

Sometimes, but rarely, I get caught. The other day my friend used an expression I didn’t understand and laughed so I laughed too. And then he asked how we would say the same thing in English. Oops! I looked pensive as if trying to think of said expression and asked for him to repeat it again. Luckily the second time I actually understood so I was in the clear.

It’s not that I want to trick people; it’s more that it saves time in a conversation. I don’t like to have to keep interrupting the flow unless I’m really lost. And most people speak clearly enough since they know French isn’t my native tongue so that I can understand, reformulating words into simpler versions suited for foreigners.

My father-in-law however uses many archaic expressions and loves play-on-words. It’s a killer! For this reason, my husband has nicknamed him the sniper. He’ll sit there quietly, think of a funny play-on-word or joke, then pop up and interject it with a twinkle in his eye. Even if I don’t get it, seeing how pleased he is with himself always makes me giggle. And as my French has improved I've even been able to come back with some of my own zingers which he gets a big kick out of.

More and more things have become clearer to me here. I’ve come a long way since arriving a year ago and have a great feeling about this new year and new decade as I believe many people do. So bonne anneé a tous, bon santé et mes meilleurs voeux!

Jan 3, 2010

Cinéma

n. – cinema or movie theatre
Espace
n. – outer space
Place
n. – space or room
I’ve only been to two films since we moved to Paris a year ago. It’s not that I don’t like movies; we watch plenty of DVD’s and movies on TV. It’s just that with the theatre comes the people and it’s not that I don’t like people, but at a theatre there tends to be too many of them.

Here this is coupled with the fact that movie theatres like so many other venues in Paris are crowded and small; not necessarily in their size, but in the spacing between seats and more importantly rows. Our knees were butted up against the row in front of us and neither my husband nor I are extraordinarily tall.

Parisians, like many Europeans, have a different sense of space than Americans. Where we like things large, big cars, big houses and lots of room to move around, here it is the opposite. Houses are outnumbered by apartments that even if generous in size, are made up of many small sized rooms. The new Mini Cooper looks like an Escalade next to the Smart and even the original Mini, which I have the impression I could just pick up with my hands if I needed to.

So we felt a little claustrophobic at our latest movie experience because it was a recently released 3D blockbuster that was sold out. We enjoyed it, but given the conditions, I would have enjoyed it just as much if it were a tad shorter. By the end, I had a bruise on my nose from the 3D glasses, which was an indication to me that too much of a good thing can be a bad thing.

Movie tickets can be ordered online here just like we used to do in New York. We paid a premium for the 3D theatre and with the exchange rate it came close to $30. With a small bottle of water and small popcorn we added another $10, but in fairness since the movie was so long, this covered almost an entire afternoon’s entertainment. Here you have a choice of popcorn that is “sucré” or “salé,” sweet or salty. You don’t however see the giant tubs that look like kiddie pools and there is no super size option where you can have said tub for a quarter more. And this is a good thing because the bigger you are here, the less room there is for you.

I think we will go back to enjoying our movies on our couch for the moment. Couches here are called “canopés,” not to be confused with those served as hors d’oeuvres. Ours can technically seat three people, but more comfortably two. My in-laws, being French, like to squish in as closely as possible, maximizing the space and proximity. Their couch is even smaller yet when we gather around at their place, they will say, “Viens ici, il y a place sur la canopé,” “Come over here, there’s room on the couch,” to which I always think, no there isn’t. And again, don’t get me wrong I have nothing against being close to my in-laws since they are the nicest people you could ever know.

It’s just at this time of year when winter coats and accessories take up ever more precious space wherever you go, I miss having that little bit of extra room I’m used to. Well in just a few months, the cold grey blanket that covers Paris will start to open up to blue skies and sunshine. Winter’s claustrophobia will make way for the openness of summer and with it, the latest blockbuster movie that I will then be ready to venture out to the theatre to see.