Chien

n. dog
Chiot
n. – puppy
We did it. We broke down or “craque” as the French say and we bought a puppy. His name is Felix and he is just a little over two kilos of pure heaven. He is a blonde, miniature wire-haired dachshund. His name is Felix because this is the year of the F. As I explained in an earlier post, the French have a “rule” that a pet’s name corresponds with a letter of the alphabet. I use brackets because I’m not really sure how it could be enforced. My husband liked Winston, but in fact there is never a W year – I believe it stops at T and then resumes again at A based on the fact that U, V, W, Y, Y and Z names are less common. Anyway, we actually like the name Felix, which is why we went with that. His middle name is Winston.

Anyone who has a dog and even those who don’t, know the incredible amount of work a puppy is. While he’s cute enough to eat when resting, he can quickly turn into a mini spawn of Satan when insisting on chewing the furniture or eating the leaves of my ficus tree. Sometimes I think he believes his name is NO.

I use “no” since it’s fairly universal – “no” and “non” sound the same and it’s more the tone you use vs. the word itself. But I have to consider my key words carefully since not everyone is going to be speaking to him in English. Since I want him to be well behaved and well adjusted, we have invested in some training sessions for him. I have already learned far more than I thought I knew, having had pets as a child. The important thing is to think like a dog and not like a human.

I am the Alpha Male I keep telling myself. Well for now since my husband is away. I will be the Alpha Female when he gets back. There’s no question though that my schedule now revolves around the puppy’s. I just took a 15 minute nap on the floor since he’s sleeping in his bed. Unlike him, I don’t have the luxury of napping for three hours at a time during the day. So like a new mother, I am feeling the effects of sleep deprivation. And especially so because I am a big sleeper!

“Faire la grasse matinée” is an expression here that means literally “to make a fat morning” or to sleep in. “Une grosse merde” is another less polite way to put it. I’ll let you figure out the translation for that. I never thought I would see the day when I was actually thrilled to sleep in until 7am. I also never thought I would get so excited to see a poop on a sidewalk. You see Felix loves to walk outside only to come home and do his business in the apartment. While watching another dog pee outside the other day, my husband said Felix is thinking, “That’s so rude – I go in my apartment!”

It’s a process. The trainer told me not to coddle him since he already has a Napoleon complex. Well of course he does, the poor thing only comes up to my ankle! I like the trainer though very much and I trust him even if I feel like he’s training me too. He talks to me sort of the same way he talks to the dog. It’s ok though because I don’t have a Napoleon complex and I will do anything he says if it means my dog will be good and housebroken.

Everybody and I mean everybody will give you their opinion on raising a dog. When to walk him, how long to walk him, how often to walk him, when to feed him, how often, collar leash vs. harness leash, crate vs. bed, wee wee pads vs. none and so on and so on. But the beauty of it all is that you meet the nicest people and the French are especially dog friendly. There is an instant connection with fellow animal lovers. I just made a coffee date with a neighbor who owns a big Boarder Collie.

My in-laws are already treating Felix as their grandson with fur and I think we’ve inspired my brother-in-law and his girlfriend to get a puppy and upgrade from their guinea pig or “cochin dinde,” literally translated as pig from India. “Cobaye” is the word they use for a guinea pig in the experimental sense. I already made my first play on words since getting the dog. When our friend was over the other night, I asked “Qu’est ce que tu veux aboies?” instead of “Qe’est ce que tu veux a boire?” meaning what would you like to drink and substituting the verb for to drink with the verb for to bark. I was quite pleased with myself, although apparently from the reaction, it wasn’t one of my better repartees!

Well the little native is getting restless so time for our afternoon constitutional. We’ll see who we make friends with next. Woof.